I wonder what it’s like to live in a world where the only kind of harassment you have to endure (*FROM ME jfc I have no idea what else you’ve been through, I’m talking about THIS EXPERIENCE but go ahead and call me a backpedaler or w/e for not being more specific) is someone silently viewing your blog. On my end, I deal with finding out about a note sent to strangers involving paragraphs of paranoid lies about me, while I have no way to defend or explain and even when I do I’m too damn scared of the repercussions… and seeing that same old bitterness and cursing and rage that I’d tried to forget. I can still hear the screaming in my head. It sent me into my first panic attack in months. They know the effect that has on me, and that’s the scariest part. They haven’t changed at all. I dealt with being made fun of for how I dressed from your “abused” partner, and made to feel guilty any time I’d receive a package from a friend… I’d try to include them in things but as soon as the focus was off them they’d pout and I would panic. They made fun of everything about me down to the way I talk and the words I use which I’ve always had trouble with esp. in person. Their mood swings kept a knot of dread in my stomach. But I’m the jealous and nasty one and they’re the victim. I was so abusive, I guess that’s why they came back and acted so happy with me again in a poly relationship, up until I met someone else who made me aware of how unhappy I was, and I dumped them. I’m sure you’ve heard every possible telling of their side, so there’s mine. It’s only fair.

If you two could manage seeing this without more public jabbing and childish insult, how about try emailing me or speaking to a psychologist, because it’s been years now and all this rage isn’t healthy. Find a better way to release that shit, it’s what I’m trying to do in therapy, though admittedly it’s hard to ignore being vilified at every possible opportunity. I guess I made a mistake thinking I could defend myself in any way to it? I’d apologize but realistically I know it’s pointless because no matter what I say or do it can and will be twisted to the worst possible interpretation. I’m a hopeless awful person after all and it’s just too fun to spread shit about me.

All I did was what I needed to do to feel safe. I had every reason to fear you’d bring the opinions you share with strangers publicly. All I did was observe. Quietly. To feel safe. I don’t need permission to view a public page. Beyond jabbing at/instigating shit with me, I have no interest in either of you. I only returned to your posts to see any new notes from people I needed to block here and on other sites that are more personal that they could be on (and were), because believe me, I want nothing to do with you or anyone close to you who believes and supports whatever you say about me without hearing both sides. But don’t fret; I have no desire to talk to anyone about you because that solves nothing besides reminding me you still exist and are still the same. I don’t care to gather people into a little hate group against you, it does nothing. Even if the other one has done just that. 

Btw, Vera’s spots are nothing like your character’s, I thought larger and fewer eyeball markings would make her easier to draw. I have no need or desire to take anything from you. And even if I did… I don’t even attend AC anymore because of you. You terrify me, but that doesn’t mean I can sit idly by as you indulge everyone who asks about me with your bullshit. At the least I deserve to make myself aware of whether or not you decide to do something publicly and I have every reason to anticipate it.

tl;dr I’m hoping some real talk rather than some stupid lulzy shit/overexaggerated hurtful shit/jabby shit might help get this over with sooner. All done. Can this stop? I’m nothing, I’m nobody, I’m powerless and no threat to you.

I was speaking of the other one when I said public AND private smearing. Such as, you know, taking any opportunity to talk paranoid shit about me to anyone who will listen.

Looks like you didn’t know about this one. Welp it was your partner aka my ex-partner who failed to take their own advice not talk shit about me, your OTHER partner has confirmed so yeah lol nice try. Also it wasn’t a friend of svarta’s as we’re still friends and she said no one she knows sent it, but I can give you one guess as to the only person who would think to go to you with questions about me. Hint: they knew you’d piss your pants with excitement at the opportunity to do so. So yeah that’s your partner, the bitter shitfuck dramawhore that he is <3

Yes! My audience! Check out all the notes on these posts, oh my fuck, have I got a massive cult following of knights cheering me on, that’s totally my goal!

I edited my previous post because you directly, intentionally mis-quoted me. I have no desire to hurt anyone but I am fucking human and act on emotion sometimes and honestly this level of paranoia is really hard to not just laugh at. I’m SO tired of this “you’re just pretending to be the victim, your feelings are invalid because you’re evil no matter what and you’re popular so you must be blah blah” I’m sorry but you don’t have a fucking clue what I’ve been through with them or anyone else even if I did say mean shit to you in the past, abuse victims are still human and lash out sometimes. And, like I said, the persistence for you both to vilify me makes apologizing any more for it moot.

I don’t think I asked for much, either. For both of you to stop gossiping about me to nosy strangers looking to stir up drama. But really, you know what? Believe whatever you want about me. Tell everyone you know just what a piece of shit I am. The decent people whose opinions matter to me realize it’s all bullshit.